HELP WANTED – Monday Mission

Wanted: Entertainer. Must have outgoing personality and a good sense of humor. Some responsibilities include mimicking opposing team members, putting hexes on opposing pitchers, and eliciting audience participation. You will also be called upon to ride an ATV at people on the field and sing with Doo-Wop groups. You may be called upon to fight evil foes (such as storm troopers), however, you will have plenty of back-up.

Claustrophobics need not apply.


This is the Phanatic – mascot to the Philadelphia Phillies, and the most entertaining part of any ball game!

In the next state over, this want ad was found.

Wanted: Center fielder to hit in the number three spot with out choking. We’re looking for a solid hitter who can be counted on to move runners over in a clutch. Must be able to play the entire season without going on the DL for minor reasons like hang nails, pulled hamstrings, and bumped heads. Men only please – no pansies!

This was listed after last night’s game where, in the 9th inning my team was trailing 5 to 4, with two men on base, and our center fielder came up and grounded out to the Philly shortstop. And no fan of this team was surprised. If it’s do-or-die time and the center fielder comes up to bat, you know not to expect anything. Sometimes you are pleastantly surprised but most of the time you are resigned to the fact that the game will end there and it will be another “almost” win where they come so close to beating the score of the other team, and then falling just short.

Please note that these want ads are written in fun for this week’s edition of Monday Mission. They are in no way true want ads. They are just to show the joy (at the Phanatic) and the frustration (at losing to the Phillies and in the manner that we lost) that I felt at last night’s game. Other than the 9th inning, it was a great game. We had amazing seats in one of the luxury suites and the Mets came from behind 4-0 to tie it in the 6th inning, only to lose it in the 7th. And the center fielder played an important part of the 6th inning, however, he blew it big time in the 9th. Man, I hate losing! Especially to Philly.

Anyway, head on over to Painted Maypole for more Monday Missioners.

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6 Responses to “HELP WANTED – Monday Mission”

  1. imbeingheldhostage Says:

    wow, great timing for this assignment, wasn’t it! I’m claustrophobic, well, only when I’m pinned inside way too many yards of furry fabric, so I guess this won’t be my next career move…

  2. painted maypole Says:

    ha ha ha. I would like to apply for the phanatic so that I can shoot the hotdog shooter. 🙂

  3. KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN Says:

    I’m sorry about the loss! It’s early yet in the season, so I’d rather take the crappy ones now rather than later. As for me, I’m savoring the fact that my Cubbies are in the #1 spot in their division. I have to savor it because I never know when that will change! Oh, and LUCKY YOU on the seats!!! I love baseball!

  4. Hey Teach! Says:

    the idiot doesn’t even have to get a hit, just take the bat off your shoulder and swing at the ball…you have a much better chance of hitting the ball if you swing at it…

  5. Family Adventure Says:

    I’m claustrophobic, but this was excellent 🙂Heidi

  6. KBL 2 ORD 2 SAN Says:

    Mary Beth!The Mets are already in town! You know, back when I first saw the schedule I reminded myself to post about it, but I forgot what with my exciting life and all. 🙂Go Cubbies! 🙂 I’ll be thinking of you and your great sisters while watching the game tonight!

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