Some Quick Correspondence

Dear Spider,

It’s time to move. The fact that you continue to spin your web across the door every. freakin. morning. even though I continue to walk through it demonstrates your perseverance. However, I do not appreciate a face full of web first thing in the morning and since I pay rent and you don’t, I decree that you should move. I know that you’re laughing at me every day and I’m beginning to see why J (brother #3) resorted to the Buffy Stake and the pots of boiling water.

Seriously, it’s time to find a new hood.



Dear Julia Child,

Thank you for sharing stories of your life in Paris and the genesis of your cookbooks. I found your book, aptly titled My Life In France, both entertaining and endearing. I promise not to think of you as the drunk lady cook on TV anymore.



Dear Nigel Lithgoe,

What’s wrong with sending two girls home if they both suck (and they did) and keeping another guy? There are enough partner dances that can be done by members of the same sex, as seen in the later episodes, that you could have two male partners work together. Keep the dancers that deserve to stay because of their talent, not because of their sex.

Shake it up a little! You’d be surprised how far we’ll go in this adventure with you. By the way, LOVED the Bollywood routine! Very cool.


Dear Executives at the Major Networks,

I think you need to hire someone to preview the ads you decide to air during your programs. Members of your viewing public are not stupid and we don’t appreciate being treated as such. I can understand airing ads from a particular sponsor during each of the many commercial breaks you put in your shows, however, airing the SAME FRICKING ad at each break is a little much. And when your programming department screws up and airs the same ad multiple times during one break, I want to throw something at the TV. It’s really bad when I can tell you, in order, which ads will show during the break before we reach said break. Go crazy! Show something different! We might actually stick around during the break and watch these ads if they were any good. Word to the wise – M&M’s, Budweiser (usually), Traveler’s Insurance (love the one with the guy walking with the red umbrella), Aflac – are good enough that I’ll not only watch them, I’ll You Tube them to show someone else. The Volvo commercial that repeats the same thing three times in a row (and I know they’re trying to make a point, it’s just a stupid point) is not good and I swear if I see Giuseppe Franco one more time (SNY, you KNOW what I’m talking about), someone’s getting hurt.

Oh, and I’m free for the post of screening commercials, when you’re ready. Call me:)


4 Responses to “Some Quick Correspondence”

  1. noble pig Says:

    I love your Julia letter…I must read that book.

  2. amanda Says:

    Little frustrated watching tv last night?

  3. Helen/Dudley Says:

    I actually spoke to the tarantula this morning and suggested he move before we called in the big guns and brought brother no 3 back with his boiling water.Very good post!

  4. the dragonfly Says:

    The idea of going after a spider with a “Buffy stake” has me in stitches.🙂

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