Welcome back to school. We have a very exciting year ahead of us, learning lots of new things together. This class is called How to Gross Out Your Owner and we’re going to be covering several areas of grossology. I’m passing around the syllabus so you can know what to expect in the next few months.

How to Gross Out Your Owner

I. Vomit
a) Sound effects
b) Location, Location, Location
c) How to incorporate different textures in one purge

II. Insects
a) Eating
b) Sharing – It’s all in the presentation
c) Disposal of extra body parts – Where’s the best place to leave them

III. Rodents
a) Mice as playthings – How long do you keep them alive before you go in for the kill?
b) Again, location plays a factor – Where do you leave the remains?

IV. Litter Box
a) Litter isn’t used just for the bathroom – It can also be used in art.
b) Timing – How to execute your bathroom habits so you can share as much of the odor as possible.

V. When in Trouble, How to Get Away with Everything
a) The look
b) Placement of the tail underfoot, thereby changing the mood to one of guilt
c) Lap attack

This has been another Monday Mission brought to you by the letter C and the number 4. Head on over to the Class Monitor, Painted Maypole, to see the other classes you’re missing out on without even knowing it.


  1. painted maypole Says:

    brilliant! And my Shakespeare must be a guest lecturer at that class, because he seems to have most of those skills mastered. 😉

  2. Helen/Dudley Says:

    I assume Huge Eug will be featured as a guest lecturer for the vomit section?

  3. sketched out Says:

    All three of my kitties are most definitely alumni of this class. This is hysterical!

  4. the dragonfly Says:

    Ha! I know I’m late…but I love it. I think my cats have taken your course…

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